In Fertility
Prologue

Welcome to Fertility for Beginners. Pregnancy 101. The fun-house mirror side of sex. In the stories that follow, I’ll be taking you on a comical journey through my surreal experiences navigating the fertility process with my wife, Lyena.

Before we begin, however, there is one thing you should know for context. That thing is that my wife is paralyzed from the waist down. Now, before you start thinking, "What the hell’s funny about that?," let me explain that it’s all about perspective.

For example, there is nothing quite like being peed on by the woman you love … while having sex.

Now I know there are people into that sort of thing. Who would pay good money to have it happen to them, but I’m not one of those people. That said, however, it truly is an experience unlike any other.

And when it happens, there’s really nothing you can do but laugh about it. There’s nothing she can do to stop it, and nothing I can do but clean up afterward and hope it hasn’t ruined the mood. Because I am a guy, after all, and she’d have to do a whole lot more than pee on me to get me to not want to have sex with her.

So in the spirit of perspective, I welcome you to join me through the very first of my daddy issues.