tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44880844703989093302012-02-16T02:33:21.120-08:00<b><i>Adventures in Daddy-Making </i></b>Dean Purvishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03378916264883003060noreply@blogger.comBlogger171100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488084470398909330.post-3214158980128423952010-05-01T14:38:00.000-07:002010-06-02T21:17:30.082-07:00

In Fertility Chapter Thirteen: VaJayjay-cation We need a break. After several discussions we’ve decided its time for a respite from fertility for a bit. We’re both feeling a growing sense of desperation and anxiety about getting pregnant – or, perhaps more accurately, not getting pregnant – and we’re also starting to get concerned about the financial load of all of this baby-making, so we’re

Dean Purvishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03378916264883003060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488084470398909330.post-73564916926573539222010-04-18T20:40:00.000-07:002010-04-18T20:41:23.570-07:00

In Fertility Chapter Twelve: On The Road Again After traveling from the West coast to the East coast to visit my mom, then traveling back to the West coast to have sex (yes, actual sex followed the syringical sex at Dr. VaJayjay’s), it is now time to head back to the East coast – this time for work. Lyena has been hired to perform her one-person show, Caterpillar Soup, at a theater in Vermont

Dean Purvishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03378916264883003060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488084470398909330.post-2541341745866687372010-03-13T18:30:00.001-08:002010-03-29T23:28:13.175-07:00

In Fertility Chapter Eleven: Long Distance Booty Call After about a week back in Maryland, it appears that my mother is doing better than we - or at least I - expected. She gets tired easily, but is generally strong. The living room has been converted into a makeshift hospital room, complete with hospital bed, oxygen tanks, charts on clipboards and bottles upon bottles of pills, but other than

Dean Purvishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03378916264883003060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488084470398909330.post-19950607453044144482010-03-10T18:45:00.000-08:002010-03-23T18:46:12.269-07:00

In Fertility Chapter Ten: The Mother and Child Reunion To recap, last week I found out that: 1) my mom is in the hospital 2) my mom needs surgery 3) my wife is pregnant 4) my mom has less than six months to live 5) my wife’s pregnancy won’t last 6) my mom’s surgery was unsuccessful 7) my mom has days to live 8) my mom has more than days to live 9) my wife is no longer pregnant It’s a lot to

Dean Purvishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03378916264883003060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488084470398909330.post-18019941970180635432010-03-10T16:37:00.000-08:002010-03-23T18:48:46.836-07:00

In Fertility Chapter Nine, Part Two: Mommy Issues [NOTE: This is Part Two of Chapter Nine. If you haven't yet read Part One, please do so first, or you will be missing some context.] After being bumped two days already, my mom’s surgery gets bumped yet again, however we are promised it will happen that afternoon or evening. I find myself wondering just how many transplants and heart surgeries

Dean Purvishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03378916264883003060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488084470398909330.post-83085043140958075202010-03-09T13:47:00.000-08:002010-03-23T18:47:25.462-07:00

In Fertility Chapter Nine, Part One: Baby Maybe? You ever have one of those weeks? One of those weeks when so much comes down all at once that the only choices are 1) fight or 2) curl-into-the-fetal-position-with-a-bottle-of-scotch-and-a-binkie? It was about to be one of those weeks. Late on Saturday night, my sister, Lea, emails me from Maryland that my mother, who has been battling cancer

Dean Purvishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03378916264883003060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488084470398909330.post-11849756647154351182009-09-25T17:22:00.000-07:002010-03-23T18:49:31.161-07:00

In Fertility Chapter Eight, Part Two: Shots and Loads [NOTE: This is Part Two of Chapter Eight. If you haven't yet read Part One, please do so first, or you will be missing some context. Also, though not vulgar, this piece includes mature content and may not be suitable for some audiences. You have been warned.] The night before our first insemination, I administer the ovu-shot, in about as

Dean Purvishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03378916264883003060noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488084470398909330.post-62675022471236351342009-09-25T16:53:00.000-07:002010-03-23T18:51:21.281-07:00

In Fertility Chapter Eight, Part One: Round Three [NOTE: This piece includes mature content and may not be suitable for some readers. You have been warned.] The time has come for us to learn the results of my sperm test, so we head down to Dr. VaJayjay's office. He sits us down and proceeds to explain much more about sperm than I ever really wanted to know. I’m 37 years old but don’t really

Dean Purvishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03378916264883003060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488084470398909330.post-84786922902387377002009-08-12T15:53:00.001-07:002010-03-23T18:51:07.006-07:00

In Fertility Chapter Seven, Part Two: On Pirates and Porn [NOTE: This is Part Two of Chapter Seven. If you haven't yet read Part One, please do so first, or you will be missing a great deal of important context. Also, though not vulgar, this piece includes mature content and may not be suitable for some audiences. You have been warned.] This is just as awkward as I thought, feared, and

Dean Purvishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03378916264883003060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488084470398909330.post-77740984225388091322009-08-12T15:50:00.000-07:002010-03-23T18:50:51.988-07:00

In Fertility Chapter Seven, Part One: Door of the Unknown [NOTE: This piece, though not vulgar, includes mature content and may not be suitable for some audiences. You have been warned.] This is going to be awkward. After a couple of medically-assisted attempts without a pregnancy, it is now my turn to get tested and make sure the problem isn’t with my “swim team.” There isn’t any particular

Dean Purvishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03378916264883003060noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488084470398909330.post-65135327582190918112009-06-13T00:00:00.000-07:002010-03-23T18:51:46.714-07:00

In Fertility Chapter Six: Is It Me? Despite our best efforts, which were many and often, we are, alas, still not pregnant. As soon as I find out we’re not, I do what any mature, level-headed man would do – I immediately start to question my virility. Actually, question may be the wrong word. Slander may be a better one. Impugn, perhaps. In fact, I become convinced that I’m sterile. Not

Dean Purvishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03378916264883003060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488084470398909330.post-10082387738684448292009-05-30T17:14:00.000-07:002010-03-23T18:52:07.920-07:00

In Fertility Chapter Five: You Have 15 Minutes…GO! It’s been said that sex is kind of like pizza … even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good. I think there are other ways in which the analogy fits as well, though. For example, there are many different kinds. There’s complex, multi-layered Chicago deep-dish; and there’s satisfyingly shallow New York thin-crust. There’s the kind that’s all

Dean Purvishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03378916264883003060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488084470398909330.post-13611098047874701082009-03-30T14:42:00.001-07:002010-03-23T18:52:42.025-07:00

In Fertility Chapter Four: The Return of the VaJedi Not pregnant. Period. In doing a little research for this piece, I have to say I am amazed at the number and variety of terms society has for a woman’s period. There are the common ones I’ve heard during my lifetime – “menses,” “Aunt Flo,” “that time,” “monthlies,” “the rag,” etc. Then there is a whole other far more creative class (or

Dean Purvishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03378916264883003060noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488084470398909330.post-68688818461618685272009-03-30T14:41:00.003-07:002010-03-23T18:52:59.674-07:00

In Fertility Chapter Three: Prescription Sex This is it. The moment I have been waiting for. Doctor ordered sex! I’ve never been ordered to have sex before, but I have a sense I’m going to enjoy it. In the process of having a baby, sex is, in my opinion, the single best part. We leave the doctor’s office and I start counting the miles until we get home. At one point, I even suggest we

Dean Purvishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03378916264883003060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488084470398909330.post-72602717140415615402009-03-30T14:41:00.001-07:002010-03-23T18:53:23.072-07:00

In Fertility Chapter Two: Money Shot Two days have gone by since our first visit to the fertility center and it’s time for us to return to Dr. VaJayjay’s office. This is the last pre-go-have-sex visit, and today we will do another ultrasound and Lyena will get a shot that is supposed to boost her into ovulation overdrive (which I think would make a great name for a band). We arrive at the

Dean Purvishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03378916264883003060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488084470398909330.post-63737697028379547302009-03-30T14:40:00.001-07:002010-03-23T18:53:41.515-07:00

In Fertility Chapter One: Foreplay The first thing I notice is the scrubs. We walk into the lobby of the fertility clinic and are greeted by a smiling receptionist clad in bright green scrubs. As I look around I notice all the workers I can see are decked out the same way – bright green scrubs with a little coordinated candy striping at the bottom of the v-neck collar. I’m thinking they look

Dean Purvishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03378916264883003060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488084470398909330.post-50366349750562017172009-03-29T23:40:00.000-07:002010-03-23T18:53:59.298-07:00

In Fertility Prologue Welcome to Fertility for Beginners. Pregnancy 101. The fun-house mirror side of sex. In the stories that follow, I’ll be taking you on a comical journey through my surreal experiences navigating the fertility process with my wife, Lyena. Before we begin, however, there is one thing you should know for context. That thing is that my wife is paralyzed from the waist down

Dean Purvishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03378916264883003060noreply@blogger.com1